How To Train Children for Gift Opening

I had a couple of mom's ask me how do we train children for what to do when presents are being opened and how to properly handle others getting gifts when you don't?  Also, what to do when a child has a new gift...do they have to share?  Do they get full rights to it for a few days before they have to share?  These things are perplexing and in our day...the answers are so hard to find because it seems that no one has any answers...and often selfishness abounds.  We know that things aren't right but we often don't know what to do about it.

The etiquette for gift opening is something that comes up a lot in children's lives between birthday’s (their own and others) as well as Christmas. Also mixed in to this is the question of what to do when others get awards or blessings and we do not. This is another wonderful opportunity to teach and train our children for how to honor God and please him in their lives. In our culture, I know that many times young parents don't know what to do and how to train their children properly...there are so many conflicting schools of thought on all of this.  That's why it's so important to search God's Word for his answers and principles.  As we give our children God’s principles and base what we establish in our home upon God’s truth, we are giving our children a firm foundation with which to build their lives upon.

 

So what are some principles from God’s Word that might help us on this subject?

God tells us to be other focused and to put others before our selves ( Romans 12:10 "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves").  He tells us to rejoice when someone else rejoices and to seek to live in harmony with others (Romans 12:15-16 "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another" ).  He tells us to treat others the way we would like to be treated (Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would have them do to you).  Be content with what you have. (Hebrews 13:5 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." ) Contentment with Godliness is great gain! (1 Tim. 6:6-11 "But godliness with contentment is great gain.....") We need to teach and train our children the “secret” Paul calls it of being content in any and every situation. ( Phil. 4:11-13 "...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances....the secret of being content in any and every situation.")  These are just a few of God’s directions and his principles for how we are to treat others and how we are to handle things that cause conflict that come up in our lives. When we apply these principles to our children’s lives and to gift opening, it helps them sooo much! It helps them to be kind and loving to others around them.

 

  We are all selfish and full of "self" and "flesh"...we need to teach our children to die to self and to their selfish desires from the time they are young.  We are learning this principle as adults...and it is so much more painful to learn to walk out these truths in our 20's, 30's and 40's...suffering the painful consequences!  That is why we need to be faithful and diligent to work with our children and come alongside of them and help them to learn these important principles that the Lord has told us that we are to live out in our lives...while they are still young.  We are striving to teach our children the two things that God said were most important...to love God and to love others....that sums up everything else. Mark 12:1 Corinthians 13:1 says "And now I will show you the most EXCELLENT way..." 1 Cor. 13:4-8 says "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. Love NEVER fails."  These verses tell us what we should teach our children about love. From the time they can begin to speak and to move around we need to help them learn what love is and what it is not. We need to help them see their need for God and to know of his great love for them...drawing them to Christ. The way we gain our children's hearts so we can lead them to the Lord is by training them to obey. When a child is taught in love to obey his or her parents, and to respect and honor them that parent is then able to have godly influence in that child's life. We need to train our childre how to love by being patient. We need to train our children how to love by being kind to others and helping them to walk that out in their lives. We need to train our children that love is not rude or self-seeking. If we love God and we love others more than ourselves than we will not want to steal from them.  If we love God and others, we will not want to hurt them.  If we love God and others we will want to see them get something good and rejoice with them over it.  If we love God and we love others, then we will not want to grab a toy away from them, we will be happy to watch them play and to play with them...asking politely for a turn...and politely giving a turn.  If we love God and others and are seeking to put them first...we would not think of ourselves and wonder where our gift is...we will be content (realizing that God has already provided EVERYTHING I need for my present happiness   1 Timothy 6:17 "put their hope in God who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment"), and not be looking for what we can go home with or get out of the deal...we will again, rejoice that our friend, brother or sister was blessed...and just be blessed by seeing their joy and the good and the blessings in their lives without thinking about ourselves and what we don't have.  Instead we will be grateful for what we do have.  Learning to wait patiently upon the Lord and to trust that he knows best what I truly need.  As our children truly come to KNOW God and to put their faith, hope and trust in Jesus, the more they will love God and others. God's love makes it possible for us to love others. 1 John 4:19 says "We love because He first loved us." John 15:12-14 "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command."

 

We also need to help our children rejoice in another's talent or opportunity.  If a brother or sister gets an award...we need to be glad for them and to rejoice with them...and not be thinking of self and wish we could be just as good as them at "......"  we need to be glad for them and rejoice that the Lord has blessed them with that talent or that particular opportunity.  We need to be content in what the Lord has blessed us with, and with the opportunities the Lord chooses to give us.  We need to teach them not to compare and instead be grateful and thankful.  If we compare ourselves with others we either come out thinking we're ahead of them which makes us prideful and arrogant. Or we come out thinking that we're less than which can make us feel depressed, discouraged and disappointed. We are instead to rest in the Lord and in the abilities he's given us, seeking to continue to grow and mature in the Lord by his grace. We are to be thankful and grateful for our "design" for the way the Lord has made us and the unchangeables of our lives. There are things we can work on and change and there are things we cannot change in our lives. For those things we need to rest in the Lord and to allow him to use them for his glory. We need to only compare ourselves with Jesus and allow being like Jesus to be our main goal!

 

We are training our children to live for a purpose higher than themselves. 

 

This time of year it is especially difficult as there are so many opportunities to teach and train our children to live for others and to show love...but also there are many opportunities for them to be tempted to let "self" rule and to think of self first. :)

 

Given the above principles we take turns on Christmas morning opening presents.  We have found this to be so helpful in teaching our children to be patient, and to rejoice with their sisters and brothers over what they have been blessed with.  They are learning to put others before themselves.  We watch the person open their gift, rejoicing with them.  We say how nice it is or how much we know they will enjoy it.  Sometimes they try it on for us, or we help them get it out, and help them put it together if they need some help etc. The children that are waiting to open their gifts need to be patient and take the time to be kind and loving to their brother that is opening the gift and to be interested in what they have gotten...and not be quick to think of themselves and to just want to move on to their gifts. When we've spent time rejoicing with that first person... Then we move on to the next person.  It takes time to open gifts this way...but it is so much sweeter, and the lessons learned and practiced are valuable for a lifetime. We are investing by being interested in each person and what they have been blessed with. :)  This is showing love to each other. 1 Cor. 13 tells us that love is patient and love is kind and not rude and it is not self seeking! This is one way for us to help our children learn to apply this truth and principle and walk it out in their lives.

 

 When our children have a new toy...there are several things that we train them to do:

We train them to be loving.  The child who receives the gift, needs to be willing to share and be loving to others.  The other children need to realize that they need to treat their brother who got a gift like they would want to be treated.  Both parties are needing to be selfless and to yield and to not be "grabby"…showing love to each other.  The receiving child might say would you like to play this game with me?  Or would you like to look at this with me?  Would you like to hold my new gun and take a look at it?  The child that did not receive the gift, should be content to look and to see it...and not be grabby to touch it or snatch it away. No whining, no complaining...they need to be loving and content to rejoice with that brother and to be interested in what he has been blessed with and to invest in their relationship with him.  We don't believe you should have a "hands off" time where no one can touch that new gift.  We believe that is teaching children to be selfish and self centered.  If it is something that a little one might break or hurt themselves on...that's a different story. If an older child has received something that a little one might break or might get hurt on...say for instance a pocket knife.  We would ask them to show it to the little one and let them look at it, but to explain to the little one that it might hurt them and that they don't want the little one to get hurt. They should be loving the little one while doing this, and speaking kindly and not rudely to them…having the little ones best interests at heart.

 

We ask our children a question that helps them determine what is going on in their hearts..."Who are you thinking of?" ...another question we ask is "Are you treating them the way you would like to be treated...or are you treating them with love?" This helps them narrow down what is going on in their hearts and helps them to determine if they are treating others the way they would like to be treated.  It's the heart attitude that we need to be most concerned with...and ultimately that is what most concerns the Lord as well.  The way we gain the hearts of our young children is to teach them to obey and to honor and respect us and others. We desire to see our children love each other and be loving in the way they treat each other.  So we weigh everything against whether their attitudes, actions, and words are loving....or not.  If they realize they have not been loving...we ask them "what can you do to show love right now to your brother?"  Then we expect them to do it...and walk it out. :)

 

We don't give out gifts to other children that come to a birthday party.  We believe that sharing in the party and the cake, candy and games that are at the party...should be enough.  The joy of showing another love and of giving your gift to them, and having fun with them at their party...should be enough.  We had Christian neighbors that would buy a gift for each one of their children when it was one of their children's birthdays...they all received gifts.  We don't believe this is something that would uphold or exemplify God's principles and his desire for us to live out love for others. 

 

These same friends would also do something else....if one of their children needed shoes...that child would get shoes…but the rest of the children would also get something…whether they needed it or not.  If one of their children needed clothes...they all got clothes or were bought something...so no one went home empty handed. They never just bought what was needed...allowing their children to learn to be content. We do not do this.  We've trained our children that when you need something...we will provide it, and only the person that needs it is getting anything.  Our children have learned to be content, rejoice over a brother or sister getting something new...and they have learned to put others above themselves.  They would never think that just because one of their siblings got something that we were going to buy something for all of them.  Sometimes we as parents are tempted to do this...because they whine and they cry and they try to make us feel guilty.  We should not let this happen.  We should go home and discipline them if they have whined and cried...or had a bad attitude while we shopped and train them so that they can begin to learn how to behave while out in stores and when we shop.  They should be able to sit contentedly and joyfully...and come home having enjoyed being out and helping brother or sister pick out something...while getting nothing themselves. There will be a time when they need something and they will be able to get it...when it's needed...not just because they don't want to go home empty handed. 

 

In our adult lives...others get raises when we don't or promotions or babies, or new homes or new cars...we need to learn to be content in what the Lord has provided for us...being grateful for what he has provided right now, and realizing he has provided everything I need for my joy.  Learning to be content is huge in our culture!  It will be a very valuable tool in our children's lives!  And so pleasing to God!  God gives us what he knows we need, when we need it...and we need to be not only okay with that...we need to be grateful and thankful for that! :)  How do we expect our children to learn how to wait...to be patient...to be content....if we don't give them practice in these things?  How do we expect our children to rejoice with others...even though they don't get anything, but the joy of rejoicing with another's accomplishment or gift or talent...unless we give them practice in doing so?  We have a wonderful opportunity during the holidays to help our children grow in this area. :)

 

I hope this has been helpful.  If you have any questions  please feel free to ask. :)

 

I hope this helps you have a more merry and peaceful Christmas holiday!